Going out with girlfriends to mingle & meet eligible men at a private party recently was an adventure …….as I looked around the room… I wondered what brought these men here, what are their stories??? …My girlfriend gave me the low down on each guy there, a doctor, a lawyer, an Indian chief…OK I concluded the story of lost love is an equal opportunist. The host of the party a quirky, energetic man divorced in his mid to late sixties proclaimed to us gals as he scanned the room” Desperately Seeking Susan”…. his time is running out & he wants to find after many years & many women someone ( age appropriate now) who will love him for him…… not his money…… someone who will get down in the FOX HOLE with him. He has even been testing the women he is dating picking them up in less fancy cars instead of his expensive Italian car!! He told his last date he recently lost all his money on the tumultuous stock market… she failed the test!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          It got me thinking when is it a good time for people to re-evaluate love & relationships & realize before it is too late ( in the nursing home alone) that playing the field for too long can cost you more than just money & if you find somebody that truly cares about you…  no matter what you have or don’t have… then get down in that FOX HOLE…….& get busy !!

“Know when to hold ‘em… know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, know when to run”…Kenny Rogers sang a song about it… this for me, I tell  my daughters  & my son is about when YOU decide to do what is right for you at any given moment in life, on your terms not someone else’s, go with your gut feeling…set your boundaries…draw a line in the sand…. then WALK AWAY…no matter how hard it may seem to be … because no one else is in charge of your happiness … no one else gets to tell you what you do or don’t deserve  …so hold your GROUND ….when you are true to yourself the right people & opportunities will come AROUND!!!

There is a category of men I am classifying as HORNY TOADS!!  These men want us to believe they are prince charming because they are charming but a prince no way!! These are the guys out in the dating world that are in a relationship (they omit that small bit of info) & have one foot in the door & one foot out the door, they have no staying power or they are “newly” separated from their wife ( the grass looks a little greener) & trying out the single life. Believe this if these men are cheating on their girlfriend or their wife they will cheat on you!!!  Just like some women there are men that go from relationship to relationship searching for someone to fix them make them whole because they are broken people. They can’t be in a long term, commited relationship until they work on their own issues. So pass on the HORNY TOADS…..KISS a few frogs….. but don’t give up on the the PRINCE he is out there!!

I recently went on a trip & wound up visiting with a psychic that was highly recommended so off I went & to my surprise she said I tend to push away gifts that come into my life ( I paid someone to tell me this)??!!… I left wondering how many of us have done that over the course of our lifetime… surely I can’t be the only one that has unintentionally shunned people that came into our lives because of fear, timing ,failure, ego etc…. not listening to our higher power because we were too busy nit- picking with our head… not listening with our heart ( because we think we can out smart our heart).  Looking back at MISTAKES that may have been made in the past…good people that got away because we found reasons….reasons that may or may not have existed…. So I concluded that maybe we just need to be still…listen & embrace the people that come to us in our lives… NOT over analyze the WHO, WHAT, WHYS… but enjoy the WONDERS…

 WHAT I’ve learned this past year…first & foremost you have to take care of yourself because nothing seems to last forever.  I put a lot of years into a marriage & have had to start all over. The silver lining in all of this…  is the experiences & relationships I have had this past year I would never have experienced had I not been forced to forage into the workforce & into the dating world. Looking back at my old life I lived in a pretty small isolated echelon in society now I am down in the trenches with real people, living with real challenges. I am seeing things in a whole new light…& I have grown as a person from this life lesson even though it has at times been very painful (growing pains ).  A few close friends that have known me for a life time have noticed the changes in me & say they like me more now… not that I was a superficial, shallow person before they assure me…. ouch ??!!  I have more interesting tales to tell…I can relate better to people & that makes me more compassionate…sometimes one has to simply live through… walk in someone else’s shoes… be down in the TRENCHES to GET IT!!

We all think about ( post break up) running into an ex & if that happens we’ll look really good…right??  I just hope to GOD ( I know I’ve been asking a lot lately) I don’t get caught wearing my favorite sort of white t- shirt with the coffee stain, baggy gray shorts & no makeup… I was moving OK…. seriously with a closet full of fabulous clothes that would be my luck!!! The other day I was minding my own business, doing my own thing & then like a freakish mirage driving the opposite way I passed an ex BF his hair looked darker ( I like it more natural) …  His new girlfriend I thought probably doesn’t have a mean ex husband, can hold her liquor, has a single digit handicap (him) & can be available 24/7….  I could not be that person …. as I looked in the rear view mirror I told myself firmly (with conviction)…  who the heck cares anyway if he sees me in my old white stained t- shirt & baggy shorts ….I still look  good…in a white trashy sort of way!